why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
