The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
