My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
