That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
