She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize