Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
