it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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