exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
