You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
