I heard we made out
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
