I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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