You're my little dorito
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I pour the whiskey from now on
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
