Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
