I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
