ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
