I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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