I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
