I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
