yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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