This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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