There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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