I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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