i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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