respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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