he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize