The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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