She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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