Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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