I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
