I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
