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We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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