Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
