When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
