Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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