I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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