Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
