I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
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