My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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