ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
