Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
True college students do jello shots in the library
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