I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
