I want you more than these girls want KFC
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
