The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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