Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
