My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
