in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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