he thought i was a dude.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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