just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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