found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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