she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
