i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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