And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
