So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
