No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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