this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
