im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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