Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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