i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just pee around me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize