Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
