you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize