so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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