I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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