Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize