I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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