well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dignity is for republicans.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize