It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
