I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
