he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
