He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
BRING THE BAGELS
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
