Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
