Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
